I Was Afraid to Repent

If you ever asked what your identity is, what you are made for, or who you really are, then let this newsletter be an answer to that.

Because without sugarcoating reality, I’m here to tell you:
you are a sinner.

You might not even realize it, but your father was punished for that very same sin you struggle with. He was sent down from Jannah — with your mother.

If you forgot, let me remind you:

Adam عليه السلام disobeyed Allah.
And because of that, he was sent down to earth.

The human being is meant to sin.
We were created with the ability to make mistakes.
That is our nature.

If you wouldn’t sin, you wouldn’t have free will.
You would be a being Allah already created:
an angel.

But let’s not fool ourselves —
we are not angels.

And honestly?
That’s what makes the human experience so profound.
Even beautiful.

But there is a line to be drawn.

If I am meant to sin,
does that mean I can just go about my day, sin, and then return to Allah whenever I want?

Does it mean that whatever sin I commit is my nafs’ fault?
Or Shaytan’s fault?
Or my “nature”?
Because Allah made me like this… right?

Think.
Focus.

What did Adam do?

Did he rest on his sin?
Did he say: “Well, that’s me. I’m a sinner.”

No.

He regretted immediately.

Some scholars even mention that Adam kept asking Allah for forgiveness for years —
even after he was already forgiven.

Did Adam return to his sin?
Never.

Even if he could, he wouldn’t.

Because that one sin
threw him out of Jannah.

He had Paradise…
and was sent to earth.

Knowing all of that…

How do we treat tawbah?

Tawbah - tied to your identity as a sinner

Just as much as you are a sinner – and a constant one on top of that – you are also given a powerful tool by Allah to deal with that weakness.

Tawbah.

Tawbah isn’t just saying astaghfirullah and moving on.
Tawbah isn’t just sitting on your prayer rug, tearing your heart out and then continuing life as usual.

Tawbah has steps.
Tawbah has a system.

Because if you struggle with committing the same sin over and over again, then you need to study the concept of tawbah.

Definition of Tawbah

Linguistically:
Tawbah (توبة) comes from the root تاب which means:
→ to return
→ to come back

Technically:
Tawbah means:
→ returning to Allah after disobedience
→ leaving the sin
→ feeling sincere regret
→ making a firm intention to never return to it

What did Adam do?

1) Adam realized his sin

This is the first concept you need to remember.
The very first step is to be honest with yourself about what you did.

Be honest about your sin.
How else will you ask Allah to forgive you if you don’t even acknowledge it?

Adam didn’t blame anyone.
He didn’t blame Hawwa.
He didn’t blame Shaytan.

He said:
We wronged ourselves.

2) Adam made immediate tawbah

He regretted it.
He knew the severity of it – especially after seeing the consequences.

And this is the second step:
Don’t delay your tawbah.

I can’t stress how crucial this is.

Even if you sin again and again –
repent again and again.

3) Adam never returned to it

Adam would never return to the same sin that caused him to leave Jannah and come to earth.

What makes a sin so horrible is not only that you disobeyed Allah –
which should already be enough –

but that it is ظلم
A ظلم against yourself.

I think most people believe that once they repent, it’s over.
What they don’t realize is that Allah might test us again with the same sin.

Yes – it’s hard.
Because you’re trying to leave it.

But this is what dunya is about:
struggling in the path of Allah.

Ask yourself:

• What measures will I take to stop this sin?
• What will I change in my life?
• What doors will I close?

When Allah opens doors again for that sin…
under any circumstance…

Will you fear Allah?
Will you have tawakkul that He will guide you through?
Or will you fall again?

Remember:
Every small success is still progress.

Don’t fixate on being perfect.
Fixate on being consistent.

Keep going.

You sinned?
Repent.

You sinned again?
Repent again.

Literally.

But the most important part:
Take steps to never return to it.

That means blocking the means that make sin easy:

• Your phone
• Being alone
• Certain people
• Certain places
• Certain times
• Too much free time
• Not making du‘a
• Not praying

You get the idea.

Why Tawbah Shows Our Personality

Tawbah says a lot about our attitude towards Allah ﷻ and how we see Him.

Allah ﷻ Himself said in a Hadith Qudsi:

Explanation:
If you think Allah is merciful — He will be merciful to you.
If you think Allah will forgive you — He will forgive you.
If you think Allah is harsh and unreachable — you will act like He is.

Your tawbah reflects your belief about Allah.

In order to have ḥusn adh-dhann (good thoughts) about Allah ﷻ,
we need to know Him.

His Names.
His Attributes.
His Rububiyyah (Lordship).
His Uluhiyyah (being the only One worthy of worship).

This is the only way you can truly say you have strong iman
and that you understand how Allah ﷻ introduced Himself to us.

Adam عليه السلام made immediate tawbah.
He didn’t let guilt drown him.
He didn’t let shame make him doubt Allah’s mercy.

It was the opposite.

Adam KNEW Allah could forgive him.

All he had to do was:
• ask sincerely
• and never return to it

And this is why tawbah is such a crucial part of our personality:

Ask yourself:

Are you the type of person who:
• makes tawbah half-heartedly
• assumes “Allah will forgive me anyway”
• and takes no measures to avoid the sin?

Or are you the type who:
• reflects deeply
• asks: why did I do this?
• identifies what made the sin easy
• and actually changes their life to avoid it?

The difference between these two people is taqwa.

Awareness of Allah.
Knowing who Allah is.
Understanding your purpose.

Because of that awareness,
you reflect.
You take responsibility.
You accept you just committed a crime against yourself.

The first person lacks taqwa.
They live in autopilot.

And the one who has taqwa
is protected from falling into ghaflah (heedlessness).

Read more about this topic here:

The Silent Ghaflah No One Talks About

Specific Steps to Make Tawbah

1. Don’t give up – except for Allah.
Never lose hope in Allah’s mercy.
No matter what you’ve done.
No matter how often you failed.

If you give up on Allah —
you already lost.

2. See your sins as a barrier, not just a bad habit.
Your sin is not “normal.”
It is not “small.”
It is a wall between you and Allah.

Every sin leaves a mark.
Every sin darkens the heart.

3. Reflect: what led you to the sin in the first place?
Who were you with?
Where were you?
What were you feeling?
What were you seeking?

Even Shaytan will admit one day:

Meaning:
You chose it.
So take responsibility.

4. Ask Allah to make it easier for you in du‘a.
You can’t quit sin alone.
You need Allah.

Beg Him.
Cry to Him.
Be honest.

Islam is not complicated.
And whoever makes it complicated upon themselves has fallen victim to Shaytan and his plots.

Allah made this deen easy.
We make it hard.

Please let this be a reminder to never postpone tawbah.

Allah gives you a chance when He makes you notice your sin.
When He places that heavy feeling in your heart —
don’t ignore it.

That feeling is not random.
That is Allah calling you back.

We could really die at any moment.
So fear Allah in every moment you are given.

Don’t delay repentance.
Tomorrow is not promised.

If you want to share your thoughts with me, just reply to this email and I’ll respond to you, in shaa Allah.

Until then, Ill leave you

في امان الله _{(in the protection of Allah)}

❦ Dunja ❦