Jealous of her looks? His wealth? Their ease? Good. Let's talk about it.

Let’s Play A Game

Throughout this newsletter, I will ask you 3 questions, in shaa Allah.

With each question, the answer to the problem stated above will begin to unfold — bi’idhnillah.

But I must warn you: the questions will be harsh. They’ll go deep, and they’ll challenge your views.

Everything you know.
Everything you don’t.
Everything you’ve struggled with.

These might be the most important questions you’ve ever received.
Questions that literally question your life — and what you think you know.

So, what do you say?
Shall we get started?

The First Question

Rizq is a mysterious work of Allah SWT.

When you are in the womb of your mother, an angel comes and writes down 4 things:

• Your provision (rizq)

• Your lifespan (ajal)

• Your deeds (amal)

• And whether you will be wretched (shaqi) or blessed (saʿid)

  _{(Bukhari & Muslim)}

These areas include every single detail of your life — not more and not less.
If you are rich or poor, if you are going to do good deeds or bad ones, if you are going to die young or old, and your place in the hereafter.

But Allah never took away your responsibility.

What this hadith means is that whatever is meant for you will reach you, even if it is hidden under the mountains. But whatever Allah has not written for you will never reach you, even if it is between your hands.

What I never understood is why we choose to focus on the second half of this reality.
Why we choose to focus on what we “won’t have” instead of what Allah is capable of providing us with.

I remember hearing the story of a woman making du‘a day and night for her sick child.
She couldn’t afford the treatment, and in all honesty, it seemed so hopeless. But she decided to focus on the abilities of Allah and still made du‘a.

Another time, there was a man trying to fly from one country to another. Due to weather changes, the plane had to make a stop in a small village in the middle of the night.
Half angry, he was trying to find shelter — and considering the fact that he had an important business meeting, the whole situation kinda screamed “why me, oh Allah?”

He knocked on the door of a woman who provided him with food and drink and shelter from the bad weather he was caught in.

She left him alone and continued her pleadings.
It was the woman making tireless du‘a for her sick child — and little did she know that the man she let in was a renowned doctor who could help her.

And he did.

Allah stopped a whole plane for that woman.
Allah changed the weather for that woman.

Her rizq was written, but she did her part and trusted in Allah despite the situation.
How blessed we are to have a Rabb like Allah SWT.
_{(There is no narrated hadith or verified historic narration. This story is told to visualize Allahs mercy and abilities.)}

So the first question that you need to answer honestly and with utmost sincerity is:

How do you think about Allah?

I’ll leave you with this hadith:

Whatever you assume about Allah, you will find just that.
Train yourself to be like that woman — the one who had no one but Allah, and so she put all her leftover trust and hope in Him.

The Second Question

When we talk about jealousy in Islam, there are two types to consider. Rasul Allah ﷺ already explained this concept in a hadith:

Now, what does this mean?

Jealousy is the type of envy you feel within your heart when you see someone succeed or be better than you — even if that person was given beauty or status.

It’s a sting on your heart. And what makes jealousy so dangerous is not necessarily the feeling that you want that thing too — but that you do not want the other person to have it.

If you simply wish to have what the other person has, then — wallahu aʿlam — this is not sinful but still not ideal.

The fact that this feeling can be sinful is incredibly astonishing. Many of us are familiar with dramas or movies where characters get killed or tortured — and in most cases, it’s either about ego or jealousy. Think about it.

Now remember: this happens in real life more than you think. And social media isn’t making things any easier, to be honest.

So, the second question is: Which type of jealousy do you have, towards whom, and in which situations?

I mean it. Answer this — between you and Allah — and be sincere. We’ve all been there. Some more, some less.

But the first step toward a cleaner heart and better character is honesty and sincerity. And if you want to change, you’ll have to face your problems head-on.

Is it her/his beauty? Is it her/his wealth? Is it her/his family? Is it her/his friends?

Could be anything. Take your time. It’s not easy admitting one’s faults — but it’s necessary.

The Third Question

When you first buy clay, it’s very formable. You get to use it to its full potential and make some beautiful art with it. You get to explore the colors, textures, and maybe you even start painting it yourself.

The older it gets, the harder it is to form. You’ve already used it up, formed it, painted it a certain way... you get the idea.

As children, we are just like clay. Barely out of the womb of our mother, we are completely dependent on our parents to take care of us.

We can’t articulate our pain or needs, we can’t eat on our own, and we need them to wipe away our mishaps.

But being that dependent comes with its downsides too. I mean, just imagine being born into the Pharaoh’s family.

In fact, the Prophet ﷺ told us:

Which means that we have no choice of our own. We don’t know what’s right and wrong, and we don’t know our Rabb — except when our parents teach us.

Yes, we are upon the fitrah, which basically refers to monotheism (tawhid). But learning Islam — its basics, our purpose, the Prophet ﷺ, and the Sahaba — that’s the work of our parents.

In fact, our parents will be asked about this on the Day of Judgment.

I loved this quote from @puretarbiyah on Instagram:
“Children are like fertile soil, what is planted in them will surely grow.”

It proves one very important point: our children — and we were all once children — already have the potential in them.

YOU already have potential in you, just like Allah planted the seed of tawhid in you.

But you need further support to grow and make that seed fruitful. And Allah SWT, with His utmost wisdom, has planned that our parents take on the role of educating us.

And because they’ve been given that incredible task by Allah SWT, they will be asked about it.

And as someone who is not a mother yet — this thought is incredibly scary.

In addition to that, it’s only logical that most of our traumas and negative emotions, which later develop into anxieties and depression, start in our childhood.

Including jealousy.

But the problem is not having those emotions. The problem is:

How were you taught to deal with these emotions?
How did you deal with jealousy in your childhood? What did you learn about it?

That’s your third question here.

Now, that’s the difficult one. Don’t blame me — I warned you.
The goal is to answer why we are jealous of the things we discussed in the second question.

That means you need to go back to your childhood.

• Did you feel insecure when you saw others succeed — and why?

• Did your parents pressure you into certain things — and why?

• Did you constantly compare yourself to others — and why?

This might take you time to figure out, but that is totally fine.
I’d recommend writing everything down that comes to mind and being honest with yourself.

Try to figure out when it started and why it started in the first place.

When this step is done, the next step is trying to figure out how to work on that, which has a lot to do with emotional regulation and similar tools.

But that’s a topic for another newsletter.

Closing Thoughts

The topic of today was jealousy — and why we have it.

We explored how we understand Allah’s rizq, because that is directly tied to the feeling of jealousy, and then we began to understand ourselves more deeply.

Now, this is not the work of one newsletter.
You’ll be occupied with this for some time. But remember — you are doing this for the sake of Allah. For tazkiyah.

Our goal is to leave this world good and clean — to enter Jannah immediately, with Allah’s permission and mercy.

We are here to work on ourselves, and jealousy is one of the major negative emotions we need to address.

And please remember: your parents were children too.

They also had parents who taught them only as much as they had been taught themselves.

There is no reason to be mad at them or to make them guilty for whatever is happening to you today.

They too didn’t know better.

You know what status parents have in Islam — and how we must treat even abusive parents with dignity and restraint (may Allah protect & assist everyone from that major test).

Remember why you are here.
Remember Allah’s words.
Remember Jannah.

And with that, I conclude today’s newsletter.

I’m already very excited for next week’s edition, in shaa Allah, where we’ll explore more about how to regulate our emotions — from both an Islamic and psychological lens.

I really hope that this short newsletter helped you categorize your feelings of jealousy and gave you some valuable insight into the topic.

For now, I’ll just leave you with this — and I’ll see you in the next one, in shaa Allah.

في امان الله^{(in the protection of Allah)}

❦ Dunja ❦