When You Find Yourself Struggling with Your Imaan, Open This

Let me tell you a little story.

A story of a girl I witnessed grow into an anchor in her deen. A girl who grew up in a Muslim household—practicing and believing—but as she got older, she realized that this household, like many others, lacked a fundamental understanding of the deen.

In fact, she noticed something even stranger: they had somehow become evangelized. As Muslims.

How, you ask?

Glad you asked.

A Moment of Reflection

Last Sunday, after we finished praying Tarawih, someone from the men’s side made an announcement. It went exactly like this:

"Just a quick announcement: as many of you might know, the imam who led Tarawih for us last year—his son passed away in an accident yesterday. Please keep them in your duas."

That’s it.

You know what my first reaction was?
You know what everyone’s (except for a few) reaction was?

Shock. Confusion.

Who?
Who is that guy?
Who died?
The son of this Imam?
Really?

The women started whispering, asking each other who he was. I, too, was baffled by the announcement. But why?

I asked myself this later in the evening. Why was I so baffled?

The Way We See Death

I think I still treat death like the exception, not the rule.
I treat death as the end, not the beginning.
I treat death as the problem, not the purpose.

Don’t we all?

Because if that weren’t the case, we would react differently. Don’t get me wrong—some deaths do seem “sudden,” but even that is rooted in a specific way of thinking about death, isn’t it?

Because if we saw death as the rule, we wouldn’t act as if it were unexpected. Aren’t we supposed to expect death at any moment?

Of course, this doesn’t take away the deep sadness and the feeling of loss—especially for the parents. No doubt.

But SubhanAllah, as I write this, I feel goosebumps spreading.

As far as I know, he was still in his 20s.
He died in Ramadan.
Before even the first 10 days.

Could be you.
Could be me.

But Allah decreed death for him, not us.
Allah decreed death for many, but not us.
Allah might have decreed death for us next year. Or next month. Or tomorrow.

Wait—weren’t we talking about struggles with faith?
Why am I talking about death now?

Well, if you haven’t made the connection, there’s the problem right there.

For Muslims, everything is connected to death—because it is our true life.

And your imaan? Your imaan is the key that shows Allah taht you have been genuinly trying to be worthy to get you into Jannah. It’s His mercy that enters us there.

May Allah enter us in His blessed and endless gardens ya Rabb.

This imaan is the only light that will guide you on the Sirat bridge.
That imaan is the only thing keeping you alive in this world.

Can’t imagine all these tests without imaan. I would be genuinely depressed.

But what do we do when this key stops working? When it breaks? When it rusts?
How do we keep it functioning, clean, and strong?

We carry it for years and years—it’s only logical that we need to take care of it, isn’t it?

Let’s Dive Deeper

What I haven’t told you about the boy who passed away is that he didn’t just die in Ramadan—he died after Tarawih.

He was the son of the local imam. Just before he broke his fast with his mom, gave her the date first and told her “Here, you go first.”

I’ll leave you to cry, cause same.

We don’t know much about his life or his death. No one in my family knew him personally.

(At this point, please keep brother Saleh and his family in your duas—especially in Ramadan. And remember to keep yourself in this dua too, may Allah give us a good end.)

What’s interesting to me is that I only knew of him after his death.
How many remain unknown until they die?
How many are known in this world but unknown to the angels?

Having strong imaan takes effort. Blood. Tears. Work. More work. But mostly, mercy from Allah.

Because in the end, it is Allah who helps you wake up to pray.
Allah who helps you read Qur’an.
Allah who helps you serve your family.
It’s not you.

What you do have control over is your nafs.

We all struggle. Some with music. Some with movies. Some with lust. Some with anger.
But what unites us all? The struggle itself.

We are human. And Allah knows what He created.

"Does He not know who He created? And He is the Most Subtle, the All-Aware." (Surah Al-Mulk 67:14)

And being human means that some days, you’ll be strong.
Other days, you’ll want to curl up in bed and cry.

That’s life.

The Push You Need

The push you need to work on your imaan is this: death.

Because life is not promised.
Life is not forever.
In fact, life could be over anytime.

Westerners will tell you: Live your life!
Wise people will tell you: Live it cautiously.

"Indeed, we belong to Allah, and to Him we shall return." 
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:156)

Your whole focus in life is Allah.
Knowing Him.
Getting closer to Him.
Loving Him.
Meeting Him.

Nothing else.

Take care of your imaan, and Allah will take care of you.
Simple, really.

But we get distracted.
By life.
By so many things.

That’s why we need three things to keep us focused:

• Five daily prayers—prayed with khushu

• Daily Qur’an—ideally with tadabbur

• Daily dhikr

Gaining Islamic knowledge is essential, too—but that’s for another newsletter.

For now, let’s focus on building imaan through these areas.

Step 1: Understand Yourself

Before you start working on these, take a step back.

Understand yourself.
Understand what struggles you have.
Understand what your nafs is inclined toward.

Be brutally honest. Even if it makes you ashamed.

No one needs to know. This is between you and Allah.

Write down every sin.
Every bad habit.
Every problem keeping you away from Allah.
Every bad feeling stopping you from moving forward.

This step is huge. But you need to do it.

Because the better you can name what’s holding you back, the better you can fight it.

Take your time with this.

Step 2: Make Dua

Once you’ve written it down, lay the pages in front of you and make dua.

Preferably in Tahajjud—but anytime works.

Especially in Ramadan, Allah has given us this month to use it! The Dua of the fasting is accepted, you are awake during tahajjud anyway and we are about to enter the last 10 nights of Ramadan.

Tell Allah you feel weak.
Tell Allah you feel ashamed.
Tell Allah you feel small.

Ask Him for help.
Ask Him for guidance.
Ask Him for steadfastness.

The Plan

Now, onto the practical plan.

1. Salah
Start with wudu. Cut off distractions. You are preparing to meet Allah.

Really get into this. Don’t let your mind rush anywhere while you are preparing for Salah.
This is why Salah is the perfect Ibadan (act of worship) to practice mindfulness.

2. Dhikr
Prioritize morning and evening adhkar. They are your protection.

Seriously, we talk about sihr, evil eye and jealousy of people while the reason why these things affect us are mostly because of our lack of engaging in dhikr daily and reciting out protection prayers.

3. Qur’an
Have a daily wird—your daily portion of Qur’an.

And if you can’t read Qur’an yet, commit to learning.

Do this for 3-6 months.
Truly commit.

But here’s the catch: if you keep feeding your nafs whatever it wants, all your efforts will be gone.

So the hardest part?
Not salah.
Not dhikr.
Not Qur’an.

It will be fighting the nafs. Its taming that beast within you because you know exactly how it feel like not using the phone and having to “force” yourself to do the good deed or the chore or to just go study.

It annoys us, it’s not comfortable and it’s not fun now is it? I feel like children are the perfect example for this tbh.

Stay tuned for the next newsletter—because that’s exactly what we’ll dive into next, in schaa allah !

As always, we have come to the end of this newsletter. I really hope that this breakdown helped you have a clearer vision of how you can work on that little heart of yours.

May Allah bless you all—I would love to hear your thoughts about this!

Until then, I’ll leave you

في أمان الله _{(in the protection of Allah)}

❦ Dunja ❦